REGULATORS

attention fools:

i recently had a run in with some federal officials. turned out totally fine because my swagger is so substantial and i’ve got eyes like a sad puppy cartoon. you know, the ones with the big eyelashes and the tear just about to fall. and plus, you won’t go to jail if you aren’t doing anything wrong or just act plain dumb.

anyway, here are just a couple of tips to stay out of jail.

number one:

don’t dress like kanye if you are going to skate. the first giveaway that you are causing “trouble” is the fact that you and your buddy are dressed waist down like a couple of mcdonald characters. yo, ronald… yo, grimace. you aren’t fooling anyone with those decks. plus, your dunks scream “harass me” to police and ugly girls alike. why do you think the dopest skaters wear flannel? that shit is like shredder camouflage. blends right in to the cityscape.

and number two:

my psycho ex-valet/door guy friend WILL fuck you up if you are rude to girls at jumbos. here’s a hint: DO NOT drink jager. it WILL impair your judgement. and you WILL get rowdy. and your friends AREN’T there to bail you out because you have no friends. you are a slob that goes to the local bikini bar to drink jager and give away your paycheck to girls with (or without… no judging) drug and/or over-eating problems. on the other hand, a friend of mine is a friend of jumbos, so let’s get back into the summer groove of going there. because who doesn’t love a crackhead and some shots? ;)

that’s all for today. photo credit and big ups to my man reza. long time, buddy. let’s get into some summer shenanigans.

peace and love,

heather